I never thought I would elope. I always envisioned a fancy ballroom with chandeliers, greenery, and florals mingling with the scattered candles. There would be a long head table where my new husband and I would sit surrounded by our wedding party, gazing happily at hundreds of guests filling their bellies with salmon.
It was my dream to be a wedding planner as a girl. Planning massive weddings with hundreds of guests for happily engaged couples, and then eventually, organizing my own fancy wedding. The wedding planning part of the dream actually did come true — at the age of 23, I was a wedding planner for a short time. Never would I have recommended a client elope at that point.
Being a wedding planner, I quickly learned that it really was a fantasy I created growing up, that ultimately became an eye-opening learning experience. My biggest takeaway was that an expensive and extensively planned wedding day was probably not for me.
photo by @mybrandphotographer
Don’t get me wrong — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an elaborate wedding. Nor with hiring a Wedding Planner to beautifully coordinate and execute every detail of your day! Wedding Planners do a phenomenal job and work their asses off because they truly care about making it the most special day of your life. I know I certainly did. But what I learned from my experience was that the whole ordeal was not suited to my lifestyle.
Stress levels tend to get a little insane during the planning process. The wedding day becomes a massive production that has to be carried out just right, which I knew would detract from enjoying being in the moment for my own wedding.
Let’s Elope
In order to understand why I’m even telling you to elope, I’ll give a little background (if you find yourself drifting off on my life story, feel free to skip ahead, I won’t be offended):
May 2018, my then-fiancé John proposed on a quiet lakeside afternoon. We were enjoying a couple of drinks with just one friend. It was the most tranquil proposal, and I couldn’t have asked for a better setting! After just graduating college and prepping for moving across the country, we decided that a two-year engagement would be beneficial to give us extra time for planning a wedding.
Fast forward to 2019 and we’d moved back to Wisconsin. Wedding planning was in full swing. Initially, I had wanted our date to be set for our 6-year anniversary. Unfortunately, it fell on a Tuesday and we couldn’t ask our entire family to attend a Tuesday wedding. So, we picked a new date in May 2020, intending to tie the knot at South Shore Pavilion in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Being in our early 20s with no desire to go broke getting married, we set a realistic budget for a smaller celebration. However, as we were planning the ceremony and reception, our guest list was shaping up to be around 200+ attendees. Since we both have large families and wanted to include friends, we couldn’t narrow the list any further. Our reasonable budget was making 200+ guests add up quickly alongside catering, photographer, DJ, florist, the list goes on. It began to get difficult to see how this could possibly work within our budget. Decisions started to get overwhelming.
We didn’t want to be one of those couples that lets wedding planning ruin our engagement. It was time to create a new plan. The coordination started for an intimate destination wedding in Miami with just 14 guests on the same date in May. Much easier on our budget and on our more introverted selves!
Plot Twist
COVID-19 decided to slam us all into the ground around March 2020.
Engaged couples we knew were all handling the situation differently. Some were canceling their wedding with new dates completely on hold, some having smaller masked weddings, others moving their big day out a year, or more.
Then one evening John and I were bingeing our show on Hulu. He looks at me and half-jokingly says, “what if we just pick a place that we want to visit and go get married?”
Not long after we start discussing this prospect, I learn about Colorado’s self-solemnizing laws. It is one of the few states two people can legally marry in with no witnesses and no officiant needed. You can read exactly how this process works in this blog.
Colorado holds a special place in both our hearts, as it was the first place we vacationed together 3 years ago. We had the best possible adventure back then, hiking and driving all over the state, so it quite simply felt right.
A Decision Was Made
This third time of planning felt different than the first two times around. Having to worry about all of the details that go into organizing a large wedding and staying within a reasonable budget was so difficult, especially during a pandemic and quarantine when you’re feeling pretty alone. Combining this stress with work, illness, personal matters, and the virus simultaneously was way too much on my mental health. Things were going downhill and it started to feel as if I were being buried under the pressure.
But the thought of dropping everything to elope? That made my shoulders feel much lighter.
As it turns out, it really is as easy as you might have thought to self-solemnize when you elope, which is one of the biggest reasons I highly recommend doing so!
Of course, we do need to cover the hardest part of deciding to elope…
Downside of Eloping
It’s on You
When it comes to running away with your best friend to elope, the thought is almost magical. But it does come with a price. If you’re close with your family, they will be missing out on this moment in your life, and that is something to spend significant time considering before you elope. Consider it, decide together, talk with your families.
We gave this a lot of thought, knowing our parents would especially be disheartened, even though they would still be happy for us. Ultimately, we made the decision to elope as something that we felt was right at this point in our lives. We were sure to stay in touch with family post-ceremony and send along pictures since our photographer was fabulous enough to get us a few edited pics day-of that we could share.
An easy way to still include your family and friends is to host a small reception after your wedding or find some way of getting together with loved ones to celebrate. For us, we’re planning an intimate dinner with family right away to get everyone together and will eventually have a large reception so that our family and friends can all share in our celebrations.
Why You Should Elope
Now that we’ve gone through the most important downside to discuss, let’s jump straight to the good stuff!
Photography
We found the most wonderful photographer to come on our day-of adventure and capture everything. Since this type of wedding is so much easier than a traditional wedding, we only needed 2 hours of her time. Compared to the price we were originally paying for the first wedding photographs, this was an insane saving. And, if you find a local photographer you shouldn’t have any travel or lodging to pay for.
Traveling
Our travel plans and budget simplified insanely during this process. From flying during a pandemic and reserving a rental car, we were instead able to load up our CR-V and road trip to the cutest Airbnb for the week.
This meant that when we arrived in CO, we also had a vehicle right away. No need to spend the time or money renting a car! Especially under 25, it gets even more expensive.
Florals
I love how flexible florals are with eloping! You can run to the farmer’s market and grab a fresh bouquet for your ceremony, splurge on having a florist design your bouquet or make your own. I reached out to my friend and old coworker Mayra at Just for You Events and Designs, who created the most magnificent bouquet and crown for myself with a boutonniere for John. She absolutely nailed it and it didn’t crush my budget spirits.
Plus, I still managed to get the greenery, florals, and scattered candles I’d always dreamt of! No chandeliers, but I would choose to watch the sun rising above the mountains over being in a ballroom any day.
bouquet by @justforyoueventsdesigns
photo by @momentsbykatherine
Venue Selection
Since you can elope practically anywhere, it’s simply a matter of making sure that you’re covering reservations and any fees associated. Our ceremony location, Lost Gulch Overlook, was free to use at the time of our wedding. And since we chose sunrise on a weekday, it was the most peaceful setting imaginable. Everything was so quiet, we were able to watch an entire family of deer exploring very close by.
Most Importantly…
By far, the biggest upside to eloping is that you get to have the wedding that you want. Bask in your private bubble for the most important moment in your lives. Start out on an optimistic note that gives hope and excitement for your future.
Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be about, anyways?
bouquet by @justforyoueventsdesigns | photo by @momentsbykatherine
But eloping? That made my shoulders feel much lighter.
– Kylie plonske, author
Get up to $65 off your next Airbnb here. I highly recommend the linked house in Boulder mentioned above!
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